Fuck Planet Earth By Max Goldberg
Death waits you! You have made a covenant with death, and with Hell you are in agreement. You’re all going to die! Don’t you realize? Can’t you see? You’re all going to die! Death awaits you all! – Reverend Otto Witt in Zulu
As part of our continuing series, “Science Made Stupid,” we begin this week with a global wrap-up of various portents of DOOM! These items, all from within the last week, are brought to us by the benign and blessed boffins of science.
DOOM FROM NEAR-EARTH ORBIT! Asteroid zips past Earth, but satellite is expected to hit “Space scientists and government officials are tracking two massive objects that are hurtling toward Earth, but only one, a dead satellite the size of a bus, is expected to hit somewhere on the globe.”
DOOM FROM OUTER SPACE! Alien Impact Poisons Canadian Town
DOOM FROM OUTER-OUTER SPACE! Extragalactic meteor spotted over Russia
DRY DOOM FROM THE DEEP! The Ocean’s Biological Deserts Are Expanding
YET MORE DOOM FROM THE DEEP! New Fault Found in Europe; May "Close Up" Adriatic Sea
ATOMIC DOOM! Drought could force nuclear shutdowns
THE “NO PROBLEM. WE’VE DONE THIS THOUSANDS OF TIMES” DOOM! Journey to the centre of the earth “One thing that occurs to me is that smashing things into each other at the speed of light might not be an entirely safe thing to do. Could there not be, as some have already suggested, a very big explosion? Might Switzerland disappear into a black hole? The answer is: almost certainly not.”
WOE AM US. MAN HAS DONE THE DOOM-DAH-DOOM-DOOM! Scarred Earth to enter the ‘Anthopocene Epoch’ You know, if we’d all just kill ourselves the Earth could get back its original unblemished complexion.
But then again, maybe it is not all our fault. Maybe it is the fault of ….
DOOM GERMS! Natural Gas Formation By Bacteria Linked To Climate Change And Renewable Energy So perhaps we’re off the hook as Doom-Masters of the Universe after all. Perhaps the burning question about global warming might well be, “What farted?”
FINALLY, A USEFUL INVENTION! United States Patent Application: 0060014125
“This invention is a training system that enables a human being to acquire sufficient hyperspace energy in order to pull the body out of dimension so that the person can walk through solid objects such as wooden doors…. It is the object of this invention to create a training system that allows a person to develop the ability to walk around out of dimension, passing through solid objects. This invention is based on one of the most remarkable relationships between the water molecule and the boundary between space and hyperspace. The mass of the water molecule is equal to the energy of the water molecule at this boundary. Because the body is composed of 67% water, the body sits on the boundary such that any additional increase in energy would move the body out of dimension into hyperspace.” Just the thing for… [See item below].
DUDE. Marijuana Withdrawal As Bad As Withdrawal From Cigarettes Show me a stoner who smokes 20 joints a day and I’ll not only show you a withdrawal problem, I’ll show you a problem with getting off the couch. Unless, of course, he discovers on his body… [See item below].
YOU ARE LUNCH! “The Human Bot Fly lays its eggs on a horsefly or a mosquito, something that will attempt to land on a human. This carrier finds a human and lands on him or her. The eggs rub off onto the human, whose body heat hatches the eggs. The larvae drop onto the skin and burrow right the fuck in. Where they live. Under your skin. Eating.” — The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World | Cracked.com [HT: Morgan]
LAUDED CHINA skull find “far from the greatest” Absolutely. As everyone knows Ali was the greatest,
THE WUSS STUFF: Astronauts exmined for drinking… Only drunk the day before… What gives with all this harping on astronauts drinking. Is MADD planning on going into outer space with breathylizers? If they we’re gonna strap me on that much fuel and light it, I’d demand a couple of Tequila shooters. What wimps we’ve become. I don’t recall that astronauts ACTUALLY get to take the wheel and drive the Space Shuttle up the gravity well.
IN OTHER NASA NEWS, Boris Karloff is in the house! Nanotech: NASA Wants To Slice Your Brain With Nanoknife
QUALITY control mechanism tags defective sperm cells inside the body — replacing previous mechanism known as “The Vagina.”
THE “NO SHIT SHERLOCK” AWARDS announces a four-way tie!
YOUR DAILY “Dose-O-Doom!”® First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike, then the supernova explosions, then Rogue Black Holes Roam Milky Way, then the Massive Gas Cloud Speeding Toward Collision With Milky Way, then Troublemaking Solar Cycle Kicks Off, then Only science can save us from climate catastrophe (Translation: “Worship us like gods or we will let you all die!”), and now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! → Earth’s getting ‘soft’ in the middle….I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead, dead, dead!
“Give me a condor’s quill! Give me Vesuvius’ crater for an inkstand! Friends, hold my arms!For in the mere act of penning my thoughts of this Leviathan,they weary me, and make me faint with their outreaching comprehensiveness of sweep, as if to include the whole circleof the sciences, and all the generations of whales, and men,and mastodons, past, present, and to come, with all the revolving panoramas of empire on earth, and throughout the whole universe,not excluding its suburbs.Such, and so magnifying, is the virtue of a large and liberal theme! We expand to its bulk. To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea,though many there be who have tried it.” — “On Leviathan” Herman Melville
“Each [howler monkey] has an outsized hyoid bone, at the base of its tongue, allowing it to brace tongue against larynx in ways not possible to other animals. In human beings, the more discreet equivalent of this bone makes speech possible. In howler monkeys, it facilitates an excruciatingly loud noise, which is used by male and female alike to announce their territory. These are, according to the Smithsonian Institute (you see, I’m checking everything now), the loudest animals in the world.How loud? You can hear them five kilometres away, through dense tropical foliage. On a modern, wind-swept university campus, you can probably hear them even farther.” — David Warren
A man is in the photograph which the Mars explorer Spirit it stopped transmitting data in 2004 sent.First, puhlllleeeeze. A man? It’s a tiny rock only a few inches high. It’s only a few feet from the rover Here’s the image from NASA.
Slap these very, very scientific pads on your feet and peel your way to VITALITY! and HEALTH! Contains IONS! Beware of cheap imitations! As they say on kinoki.com, “Improve immunity system.”
Oh, yeah, “exploring” in the name of Science. You pervert!
I collected data to test whether biological market theory could account for exchanges of male-to-female grooming and sexual activity in longtailed macaques. I explored male-to-female grooming, rates of sexual activity, and grooming–mating interchanges, which were male-to-female grooming bouts that directly involved mating. Male-to-female grooming mainly occurred when females were sexually active, and males groomed females longer per bout when mating, inspection, or presentation of female hindquarters was involved.
Wink wink …. nudge nudge….
Moreover, male-to-female grooming was associated with an increase in female rates for all forms of sexual activity, where in contrast, female-to-male grooming was associated with decreased rates of mating in the groomed males. Males did not preferentially mate with swollen females or invest more grooming in them during grooming–mating interchanges, as swellings did not seem to be a reliable indicator of female fertility. Rank status was correlated with grooming payment during grooming–mating interchanges in favour of higher-ranked males and females. In support of a biological market interpretation, the amount of grooming a male performed on a female during grooming–mating interchanges was related to the current supply of females around the interaction.
— From the “Pethouse” of journals: ScienceDirect – Animal Behaviour : Payment for sex in a macaque mating market
Hungry refugees in Tanzania are eating chimpanzees and other endangered species in order to supplement their meager diet, an international conservation group said on Tuesday.
YUM! Larva Chocolate looks sick, tastes sweet Those Japanese again. Masters of imitation.
WHO SAYS mixed marriages can’t work? Equal level of commitment and relationship satisfaction found among gay and heterosexual couples
HERE TODAY. Gone tomorrow. New monkey species is already endangered
MIGHT HAVE something to do with this story. Island Monkeys Do Not Recognize Big Cat Calls Perhaps the first case of a self-endanged species.
CHILDHOOD Suspicions about Fish Sticks confirmed Scientists find missing link – and it’s a fish finger
IS Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation A New Treatment Of Bulimia Nervosa? Don’t know but the question itself makes me want to throw up.
DISMAL science meets doomsday science. Hilarity ensues. Economists help climate scientists to improve global warming forecasts
ANOTHER enduring gift to the world from Russian space science: Cockroaches conceived in space onboard the Russian Foton-M bio satellite have developed faster and become hardier than ‘terrestrial’ ones, a research supervisor said on Thursday.
BLOCK that metaphor! Alzheimer’s Molecule Is A Smart Speed Bump On The Nerve-cell Transport Highway One might also say that a hemorrhoid is a speed bump on the Hershey Highway, but one would be wrong.
FART STUDY? That’s Phase 2: Sweden to study belching cows
A Swedish university has received 3.8 million kronor ($590,000) in research funds to measure the greenhouse gases released when cows belch…. Project leader Jan Bertilsson said that the cows involved in the study will have different diets and wear a collar device measuring the methane level in the air around them. “This type of research is already being conducted in Canada so we will be in contact with Canadian agricultural researchers in the near future,” he said.
How Hi-Tech Enhances Productivity
Hey, kids! What time is it? It’s Time to wake up to the sewage crisis
“The ‘sewage crisis’ is inextricably intertwined with the world’s freshwater crisis…. So what’s happening to rectify [sic] the situation? The answer, sadly, is not nearly enough.”
Yes, indeed. Sometimes it is right to stand and fight. Sometimes it is far too late and the only answer is… FLEE!
[Sewer explosion video via House of Eratosthenes]
Meanwhile, in other news….
Mechanism That Controls Activation Of Stem Cells During Hair Regeneration Identified Mechanism announces it is running for President of the Hair Club for Men.
Could The Universe Be Tied Up With Cosmic String? If so, well, pluck it.
The Bataan Death March Diet: For Weight Control You Will Need To Walk More Than 10,000 Steps A Day
“Short people got…. Short people got… Short people got….” Short birth length more than doubles risk of violent suicide attempts
First waterboarding and now THIS! Shock therapy making a comeback
File Under “Environmentalists Screw the 3rd World Yet Again:” FuturePundit: Biofuels Use Pushes Up Vegetable Oil Costs
Gaydar. It’s Everywhere. And fast too. An Eye for Sexual Orientation — ScienceNOW
If you were injecting cannibis directly into my brain, I’d be anxious too. Chem Lab: Scientists Are Learning How Weed Causes Paranoia “By injecting small amounts of the marijuana-derived drug into different parts of a rat’s brain and then watching for behavioral cues, they learned that THC works wonders in the prefrontal cortex and ventral hippocampus, but causes anxious behavior when dribbled into the basolateral amygdala.”
Rocket scientists are no rocket scientists: NASA moon rocket may shake too much
Today’s “No Shit Sherlock Award” goes to…. the envelope please…. The Great Beyond: Black sheep really are bad
Your daily “Dose-O-Doom!”® First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike, then the supernova explosions, then Rogue Black Holes Roam Milky Way, then the Massive Gas Cloud Speeding Toward Collision With Milky Way, then Troublemaking Solar Cycle Kicks Offand now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! → Only science can save us from climate catastrophe Translation: “Worship us like gods or we will let you all die!” I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead, dead, dead!
Concentrating all man’s evil on the coast: Human activities contribute to California’s global warming Mexico, Nevada, Oregon, and the Pacific Ocean are cool though.
Scientific American: Bisexuality is a Distinct Sexual Orientation Well, two orientations to be precise.
Waters off the industrial port city of Tianjin, 60 miles (100 kilometers) southeast of Beijing, rose by 7.72 inches (20 centimeters) over the past three decades, the administration said.
Humm, at about a quarter of an inch a year they’ve got time enough to move the entire city to Denver.
The end of a shitty job New function for colon cancer gene found
Study discovers secret of Scottish sheep evolution Descendants of Angus McTavish (Aberdeen, 1206-1285 AD) humiliated.
Contact lenses with circuits, lights a possible platform for superhuman vision Orders for X-Ray vision expected to surpass orders for iPods in 2009.
Aggression as rewarding as sex, food and drugs Entire roster of the NFL stunned by the revelation.
Could have named her Slocke, or Slacker: German Polar Bear Cub Is Named “The 6.5-pound (3-kilogram) bundle of fluff that zookeepers dubbed Flocke, or Flake.”
Why? Because we can, that’s why. Hybrid Human-Animal Embryo Research Approved In The UK “I am not an embryo! I am a free Manimal!”
Today’s “No Shit Sherlock” award goes to… the envelope please… this example of French-Canadian science doing its level best: Depression and anxiety can double chances of heart ailments “We found that both major depression and generalized anxiety disorder were more common in cardiac patients than in the general community,” said principal investigator Nancy Frasure-Smith, a professor at McGill’s Department of Psychiatry and a researcher at the Centre hospitalier de la Universite de Montreal.” Forehead slaps heard all the way to Florida.
Great Moments in Medicine: Prefrontal Lobotomies “Egas Moniz was given the Nobel Prize. The only person who has received a Nobel Prize for treatment of mental illness.” [HT: Neurophilosophy ]
Can’t sleep. Clowns will operate on me. No Clowning For Hospitalized Kids
Embryo clones of two men made from skin cells Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
First Korean astronaut to take soil into space Plans to start vegetable farm. Relatives booked on next shuttle.
2007 Was Tied As Earth’s Second Warmest Year No doubt about it, we’re just going to have to drive more in 2008.
New drug lets kids feel good in their skin Developed because ecstasy was illegal?
Physicists Create World’s Tiniest Trophy, To Be Awarded On Super Bowl Sunday World’s smallest violin to be awarded to losers.
Today’s “No Shit Sherlock” award goes to … the envelope please… [You can’t make this name up] Boguslaw Pawlowski for his gobstopping study Long legs really are more sexy
Your global warming emergency vehicle: Amphibious Car Can Dive 33 Feet Underwater
Crap jargon alert: “Food Insecurity”
“Researchers from Boston University School of Medicine (BUSM) and Boston Medical Center (BMC), in collaboration with researchers from Arkansas, Maryland, Minnesota and Pennsylvania, have found that children living in households with food insecurity , are more likely to be at developmental risk during their first three years of life, compared to similar households that are not food insecure.”
Can’t something be done to make food feel more secure? I guess not now that this is on the menu:Taliban Say They Will Attack Restaurants
Still, there is some good news. Last chance to eat! Black Abalone At Risk Of Extinction, Endangered Species Act Protection Sought
Herons persist in Chicago wetlands despite exposure to banned chemicals If this keeps up Chicago will have to stop spraying and just shoot them.
Oops! Surgical sponges have been left inside people with such frequency that they invented a word to describe it: gossypiboma “In which I compile a list of things that surgeons have left inside people”
There’s “woof” and there’s “woof” — Computer learns dogspeak Because humans just don’t LISTEN!
Bad news for lesbians, worse news for husbands: Bisexuality not a transitional phase among women, according to new research
Mad genetic scientist alert: Mice Given Bat-like Forelimbs Through Gene Switch … Because we can. That’s why.
“Don’t LASE me, bro!” Stroke Victims Could Get Laser Treatment
UPDATE: Yet More Fresh Doom! First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike, then the supernova explosions, then Rogue Black Holes Roam Milky Way, then the Massive Gas Cloud Speeding Toward Collision With Milky Way, and now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! → Troublemaking Solar Cycle Kicks Off I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead, dead, dead!
“The PCR Song” by “Scientists for a Better PCR”
Selective Restraints And Reduced Medication Could Reduce Nursing Home Falls Says 4-year Study Yes, strapping them to the bed and cutting off dope can do that.
Heavy metal slips down UK air quality charts Can Rap be next? Please?
Fossils reveal dinosaurs had teen sex And a high incidence of unwed mothers as well.
Northeast US Winters Warming Faster Than Other Seasons? “Earlier blooms. Less snow to shovel. Unseasonable warm spells.” And the downside is?
Today’s “No-shit Sherlock?” award goes to… the envelope please… Overweight People May Not Know When They’ve Had Enough Runner-up: Fish Oil May Be Helpful To Some And Harmful To Others
Perhaps it is something in the water: “The high proportion of infection involving the buttocks, genitals, and perineum suggests that community-associated MRSA may be transmitted in the setting of sexual contact among men who have sex with men …. It is not clear whether the behavior potentiating these infections among men who have sex with men is anal sex . Emergence of Multidrug-Resistant, Community-Associated, Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus aureus Clone USA300 in Men Who Have Sex with Men
Department of “Every rose has its thorn:” Columbus May Have Brought Syphilis To Europe From New World Personally or was it a franchise deal?
Step 1: Japanese whaling ship detains activists Step 2: Japanese whaling ship harpoons activists.
Still not over mean things said about Galileo: Scientists protest against Pope Next steps — stamping feet, holding breath.
More stealth racism in America: Study: weight-loss tips differ in African-American, mainstream magazines No separate but equal diets allowed!
Space Porn: Hot Cyclones Churn At Both Ends Of Saturn
Today’s specials: Scientist Reveals 2007 California Wildfire Impacts on Wildlife Rare, medium, and well-done.
“This is the chemical compsition for Metol, which is a developing agent in black and white photo developer.”–Chloe
Science Tattoos – a photoset on Flickr
Our premise made stupid: Study Shows over 68% of Science Stories Have Scientific Errors but…. but “over 42% of the stories were completely accurate.”
A Duke University-led analysis of available records shows that while the North Atlantic Ocean’s surface waters warmed in the 50 years between 1950 and 2000, the change was not uniform. In fact, the subpolar regions cooled at the same time that subtropical and tropical waters warmed.
But just what is “Blobal Warming” and why is it so horrifying to contemplate? Well you might ask. And it is just as well our crack staff of research assistants, Igor, Goofy and Dopey, have discovered the answer in an obscure scientific paper published last year in The Science Creative Quarterly which the media has covered up:
Global warming will bring back the Blob.Yes, that Blob. The Blob.
The Blob has been dormant for half a century, but it’s out there and the only thing preventing it from squishing through the streets of our cities right now, leaving a slimy trail of death in its wake, is the biting cold of the polar ice cap. Remember? That’s where the Air Force marooned it after a bunch of teenagers neutralized the thing by freezing it with CO2 fire extinguishers. Steve McQueen himself assured us that we were safe “as long as the Arctic stays cold.”
As long as the Arctic stays cold. . .
Chilling, what? And now we have, as you can see in the screencap above, confirmation from no less an authority than NASA that Blobal Warming is here and is real. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Meanwhile, as we wait for our GLOBAL-BLOBAL-DOOM!™, more stupid science news keeps pouring in.
Air Pollution Shrinks Fetus Size, Study Suggests Especially if they go outside during smog alerts to smoke.
You don’t say? New Genetic Link To Autism Discovered By Studying Speech
Recession strikes sea earlier than expected: Greenhouse ocean may downsize fish
Edible antifreeze promises perfect ice cream Marketing slogan: “Tastes great! Then you die.”
Clearly ahead of its time: 480-million-year-old Fossil Sheds Light On 150-year-old Paleontological Mystery
Sending Carbon Dioxide To Sea Yet more scientists unclear on the concept, “What you throw into the ocean comes back out on the tide.”
Lots of Dinosaur Tracks Found in Washington DC Suburbs All leading to and from Congress.
Always let the little head do the thinking for the big head: Testosterone May Improve Mental Function
Brown planetary geologists lend expertise to Mercury mission And diversity too!
Today’s “No Shit Sherlock” award goes to… the envelope please …Obesity, Depression Often Coexist In Middle-Aged Women
BRAINS! Your Stupid Soviet Science Nostalgia Pictorial. Inside the Moscow “Abandoned laboratory of studying a human brain” from brusnichka.com
UPDATE: Yet More Fresh Doom! First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike, then the supernova explosions, then Rogue Black Holes Roam Milky Way, and now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! –> Massive Gas Cloud Speeding Toward Collision With Milky Way! I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead.
Should Heroin Be Prescribed To Addicts? 11 out of 10 addicts say, “Yes!”
Gore Files Lawsuits Against Time Lawyers for former Vice President Al Gore have filed numerous lawsuits against Time magazine, alleging a series of voting irregularities they maintain deprived Gore of Time’s “Person of the Year” Award.
Breast cancer genes don’t have to mean cancer Okay, but can we bust them on “malicious intent?”
Slush, you huskies, slush! Warming Weather Forces Iditarod Changes
Mars Avoids Asteroid Strike Invasion of Earth cancelled for lack of interest.
Space Weather Forecast: More Solar Storms on the Way UN calls for special taxes to cool out space.
DNA to Decide if Headless Killer Faked Her Death Right up there with the immortal “Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.”
Older Arctic Sea Ice Replaced By Young, Thin Ice Old and fat being replaced by young and thin? I think the Arctic Sea has grounds for a discrimination lawsuit.
Culture Influences Brain Function, Study Shows Study carried out at rap music concerts.
With Daily Alcohol Use, Male Fruit Flies Court Other Males Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Global warming death toll continues to mount: Heavy Snow Kills Dozens in Asia
People With Dementia Survive On Average Four And A Half Years After Diagnosis But only because they don’t understand what it means.
“No Shit Sherlock” award goes to… the envelope please…. : Why don’t we drop medical waste and nuclear waste into active volcanoes?
New source of crab cakes discovered: Size Doesn’t Matter To Fighting Fiddler Crabs
Reversal Of Alzheimer’s Symptoms Within Minutes In Human Study But a few minutes later another study tells you to forget about it.
New Insight Into Factors That Drive Muscle-building Stem Cells Short form, juice embryos early and often.
Elephant Shot Dead in Zimbabwe After Party Shenanigans How he got in the pajamas, we’ll never know.
Staying Active And Drinking Moderately Is The Key To A Long Life, Study Suggests Case of the partying elephant supports this conclusion.
Divorce May Widen Distance Between Teens, Fathers Especially when moms move out of state.
So don’t bother, OK? Fatherhood Linked To Prostate Cancer Risk Modern science, undermining the family at every turn.
Grass Makes Better Ethanol than Corn Does True, but your car won’t get off of the couch in the garage.
Good news: Super-hairy plants could battle global warming Bad News: After certain victory they rape, loot, pillage, and burn the Planet before turning into dandelions in your lawn.
Oatmeal’s Health Claims Reaffirmed, Study Suggests More scientists who didn’t listen to their mother.
Eating Out Can Have Both Positive And Negative Impact On Obesity Just stay out of the Samoan Home Town Buffet chain and you should be fine.
Coming Soon at the Al Gore Cineplex: An Inconvenient Galaxy: Arms Winding ‘Backwards’
New Year resolutions could add years to your life Don’t smoke. Drink little. Eat fruits and vegetables. Exercise. Resolving to keep New Year resolutions does not make the list.
Again Science imitates Sesame Street: Two Proteins, Called BERT And ERNI, Control Brain Development
Alarming Levels Of Mercury And Arsenic Found In Chinese Freshwater Ecosystem But look for “Made in China” Spring Water Bottles in Wal Mart by the Summer. Cheap too.
Remember giving up bacon cheeseburgers? Sucker! Cholesterol May Actually Pose Benefits, Study Shows
Remember all that sun screen you’ve smeared on for decades? Sucker! Sun Exposure Causes Net Reduction In Cancer Risk
The Freddy Kruger Lifetime Achievement Award goes to…. the envelope please…Glowing Pig Passes Genes to Piglets Mankind is now prepared, DAMNED prepared to farm on the dark side of the moon!
Today’s “No shit, Sherlock” Award goes to… the envelope please…. Teens Find The Benefits Of Not Having Sex Decline With Age
UPDATE: More Fresh Doom! Rogue Black Holes Roam Milky Way First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike, then the supernova explosions and now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead.
I love the “March of Science” that now displays itself every day in a bland, non-partisan and stupefying way, don’t you? Here’s a selection of today’s “revelations” — and they are jaw-dropping as usual. Remember, people are actually paid to do this research.
Women Who Smoke At Increased Risk Of Lung Disease That one took you by surprise, right?
Asian Cockroaches Could Aid Texas Growers Doing the jobs that American cockroaches won’t do.
Circumcision Doesn’t Reduce Sexual Satisfaction And Performance, Says Study Of 4,500 Men Sort of depends on how soon after the operation, doesn’t it?
Intelligent design: New Laboratory Robot Can Lift The Burden Of Boring Work
2008 Likely To Be One Of The Top-ten Warmest Years Now you might think that would be bad news, right?
Well, you’d be wrong because: More Sun Exposure May Be Good For Some People
Rainforests. Now you don’t see them. Now you do: No Convincing Evidence For Decline In Tropical Forests
Breakthrough medical technique: Colonoscopy Fears Overcome When Patients Support Patients Hey, I’m not going back just to hold someone. Not even in a manly way.
Today’s “No shit, Sherlock” Award goes to: Emergency Responders At High Risk To Miss Work Because Of Injuries, with honorable mention to: Violent Shaking Pulps The Infant Brain, Forensic Researchers Find
And finally, Why Are Chickens Getting So Fat? Because they crossed the road to the McDonalds?
UPDATE: This just in — New Risk to Earth Found in Supernova Explosions First the global freezing, then the ozone hole, then the alar scare, then the warming, then the comet strike and now, now this, the FINAL INSULT! I tell you if this keeps up, sooner or later every single person alive on the Earth today is going to be dead.
- DOOMWATCH 2008: Special Edition
- Stoners, Human Bot Flies, and Walking Through Walls
- Flea Writing
- The Indiscreet Charm of the Howler Monkey: “Can you hear me now?”
- Itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny Bigfoot discovered on Mars!
- Wow! Toxins Sucked Out of Your Feet!
- Pethouse: Pimp My Monkey
- New Menu Item @ The Endangered Species Restaurant
- Chocolate Bugs and Giant Space Cockroaches
- Rage Against the Machine
- If Sewage Crisis Then Inject Brain with Marijuana
- Bisexual Global Warming Threatens China